Topless Woman Destroys McDonald’s

Where could this be? St. Petersburg Pinellas Park in — wait for it … that’s right! Florida. No other details yet about when and what happened.

Update, 9 April 2014: According to the Tampa Fox affiliate, the rampage happened after one of the McDonald’s employees turned down her offer of oral sex. The woman is apparently just plain crazy, since she wasn’t on drugs or anything. The fantastic narrators of the video have been fired by McDonald’s. Pinellas Park is just west of St. Petersburg, which is just southwest of Tampa.

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From YouTube, Via My SunCoast

We Do Not Sew

Hilarious Game of Thrones pun on Deviant Art:

We Do Not Sew by rony-robber

We Do Not Sew by rony-robber

If you don’t get it, the pun is on “We Do Not Sow”, which are “the words” (i.e., motto) of House Greyjoy, whose sigil features a kraken.

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From Deviant Art

Kids Trying To Figure Out Rotary Phones

Rotary phones have been outdated for 30 years, so young kids in the mid-2010s only ever see them in really old movies. Consequently, said kids are adorable when they get their hands on one. Besides all the stuff you’d expect in a video like this – not knowing how to dial, or what a dial tone and busy signal are — the children are also astonished to find out you couldn’t text on one, and that even if you carried it around in a back pack, it wouldn’t work outside the house because it needed a wire.

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From YouTube, via Mental Floss

English Man Requested ‘Trial By Combat’ Instead Of Paying A Fine

The Telegraph reported way back in 2002, that a 60-year old man from a town in eastern England got a roughly 50$ fine from their DMV for failing to file some form. He’s unemployed, so he didn’t pay it and eventually had to go to court over the matter; there, he entered a not-guilty plea and requested trial by combat, to the death, with a champion clerk put up by the DMV. He was willing to fight with ”samurai swords, Ghurka knives or heavy hammers”. The magistrates declined his offer, and instead fined him about 600$.

Tyrion Lannister's champion, Bronn, fights in trial by combat against Ser Vardis Egan, champion of House Arryn, in season 1 of Game of Thrones

Tyrion Lannister’s champion, Bronn, fights in trial by combat against Ser Vardis Egan, champion of House Arryn, in season 1 of Game of Thrones

 

Trial by combat disappeared from use in legal systems across Europe prior to the Renaissance. In Britain, the last trial by combat sanctioned by the monarch is thought to have taken place in 1583, in Dublin, under the auspices of Queen Elizabeth I. The last such type of trial probably took place in the early 1600s, but was not abolished by the British Parliament until 1819. Therefore, since US law prior to the 1776 Declaration of Independence comes from British common law, trial by combat is technically still legal in America. Someone should try it though, just to make sure.

From The Telegraph, via FAIL Blog

 

This One Comic Is Going To Forever Change How You Look At Clickbait

A headline is supposed to be a succinct summary of an article. Clickbait, on the other hand, is like the headline’s slimy, used-car salesman cousin. It’s vague, intriguing, hyped up, and created with only one purpose in mind: to make you click on that link. Over the past couple of years, lazy bloggers have more or less standardized the jargon, so pretty much any headline starting with “this” or “these” or a number, like “6 Ways The Grocery Store Is Ripping You Off” and “This hilarious cat will make you bawl your eyes out” is clickbait.

This insightful xkcd turned the eye of history on clickbait, and came up with 14 headlines that you won’t believe.

headlines

Some of these are really obvious, but if you’re stuck on what the headlines are about:

  • 1905: Einstein’s publishing of his Theory of Special Relativity
  • 1912: The Titanic sinking
  • 1920: Prohibition coinciding with women getting the right to vote
  • 1928: The discovery of penicillin
  • 1929: The start of the Great Depression
  • 1945: The end of World War 2
  • 1948: The Soviet occupation of East Germany
  • 1955: The discovery of the polio vaccine
  • 1957: The launch of the first man-made satellite
  • 1968: MLK’s and RFK‘s assassinations
  • 1969: The first moon landing
  • 1986: The Challenger exploding
  • 1989: The Berlin Wall being torn down
  • 1990: Basically every one of Buzzfeed’s headlines clickbaits

The hovering title text is about Einstein’s publishing of the Theory of General Relativity.

From xkcd

Bound 3

Last week, Kanye released a music video called Bound 2. In the video, which is obviously produced by a teenager, he’s riding a motorcycle while having sex with a topless Kim Kardashian in front of cheap computer-generated backgrounds. It’s safe to say this was Kanye’s plan to top Kim’s sex tape with Ray J. But then, James Franco and Seth Rogen made Bound 3, a shot-for-shot remake of Kanye’s video, and it is pure genius:

 

Kanye’s original, Bound 2:

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From YouTube, via The Superficial

Synthetic ‘Tru’ Blood Has Been Synthesized In Transylvania, Of All Places

I had to double check to make sure this wasn’t April Fool’s Day, because when you hear — on Halloween, no less — that Transylvanian scientists invented artificial blood, it seems too good to be true. But it all checks out: according to The Daily Mail, researchers from a university in the medieval city of Cluj-Napoca say they’ve synthesized blood and used it in lab mice with no adverse effects. Instead of hemoglobin, it uses an oxygen-carrying protein called hemerythrin, which is found in marine invertebrates. The scientists hope to start clinical trials in the next couple of years.

Babeș-Bolyai University in Cluj-Napoca, where the research took place

Babeș-Bolyai University in Cluj-Napoca, where the research took place

 

In the HBO series, Tru Blood was created by Japanese scientists, and its invention allowed the vampires to finally reveal themselves, since they no longer had to kill people for sustenance. No doubt the thought crossed some writer’s mind to have the artificial blood invented by vampires in Transylvania, but it probably seemed too on the nose. Well, it’s nice to know that sometimes reality can outdo fantasy.

Incidentally, Cluj-Napoca was originally settled by Germanic colonists called Transylvanian Saxons, and was known as Klausenburg. King Matthias I Corvinus of Hungary was born there, in 1443. (House Corvinus is an ancient vampire family in the Underworld series.) And a final little known fact: Vlad the Impaler, aka Dracula, lived in Transylvania for only a short part of his life, while in exile from his home principality to the south, Wallachia. Both regions are now part of Romania.

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From The Daily Mail, via Slashdot

‘Game of Thrones’ Bad Lip Reading

As we’ve seen before, Bad Lip Reading is hilarious. When taking their art to Game of Thrones, they did something a little different, and turned it into a trailer for a campy medieval comedy along the lines of A Knight’s Tale. The results are great:

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From YouTube, via Neatorama

Furloughed NSA

furloughed-nsa

If you’re reading this in the distant future, this is regarding the 2013 U.S. government shutdown and the NSA surveillance scandal

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Via FAIL Blog

Timelapse Of The Construction Of Freedom Tower

The building replacing the Twin Towers is officially called One World Trade Center, but is colloquially known as Freedom Tower. It is now in the final stages of completion, and EarthCam released a time-lapse video showing its construction over the past seven and a half years. (The cornerstone was laid in 2004, but construction didn’t actually begin until April of 2006.)

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