So You Want To Marry Your Gay 14-Year Old First Cousin

Where do you go for something like that? The answer is New York, because it’s perfectly legal there. If you can wait until he’s 16, you can also do it in Vermont. And if you can wait until 18, then you can do it in most of New England. The South, however, is divided on the issue: in South Carolina, you can marry your first cousin at 14, but there’s a constitutional ban on doing so if he’s gay. If however, there’s no homosexuality involved and you can wait to marry your first cousin until 16 or 17, well that’s perfectly legal in most of the South.

And so, besides the highest divorce rates in the nation, allowing you to marry your underage first cousin is the other thing New England and the Deep South have in common. Given the ridiculousness of all this, and the fact that marriage licenses have traditionally been used only to prevent interracial marriages, plus the fact that marriage is primarily a religious institution, maybe it’s time to abolish legal marriages and make them all civil unions. After all, since it sounds like it’s been ripped from the Declaration of Independence, just below the right to pursue happiness, few Americans can disagree with this:

Government does not have the authority to define, license or restrict personal relationships. Consenting adults should be free to choose their own sexual practices and personal relationships. (Libertarian Party platform, section 1.3)

From Mediaite

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