Who First Thought To Milk A Cow?

Pretty much everyone will gladly put some cow milk on their cereal, but give them horse milk, and they cringe. Give them human milk and they’ll throw it in your face; and then your stomach will turn. How does it make any sense that we find it disgusting to drink our own species’ milk, but we’ll lap up the bovine kind as if we had four stomachs? The answer of course is that no one thinks about it; we’re brainwashed at an early age to think that cow (and goat) milk is somehow natural — but if it comes from anything else, it crosses some wildly arbitrary line. Dog milk? Eww. Cat? Bear? Donkey? Gross. Pig? Why not pig? It’s basically a tiny cow. But noooo, that’s disgusting. And cow milk isn’t?


Let’s say the first guy who milked a cow was an ancient Sumerian named Brian. If you imagine what sort of situation would lead to you feeling around a pig’s nether regions and milking it, then actually drinking that milk, it would probably be in the neighborhood of the situation Brian found himself in. Which, by Occam’s Razor, probably means you’d be starving and say “hell, I’d rather milk that pig than die of famine”. Then you’d tell your other famished friends that instead of slaughtering the pigs and getting a few meals out of them, you can milk the pigs and get a sort of filling beverage for years. And voila: the milk pig is born.

But the British milk distributor Cravendale has some other, funnier ideas on how cow milking got started, which they share in a video entitled “Milk me, Brian“:

From YouTube, via Laughing Squid


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