TRENTON, NJ— Citing the nearly 1,500 deaths that occurred in the United States last year as a result of kaleidoscoping while driving, New Jersey governor Chris Christie signed legislation Friday banning the practice. “If you need to see complex geometric patterns made by colorful beads and glass shifting in front of your eyes while you rotate a cylinder, pull over to the side of the road first or, better yet, wait until you reach your destination,” Christie said after signing the bill known as Lisa’s Law, named for a teen killed when a kaleidoscoping driver crossed the center line and struck her car in 2009. “Studies have shown that kaleidoscoping while operating a motor vehicle is the equivalent of driving under the influence of four alcoholic beverages and two tabs of LSD. It simply isn’t safe.” Lobbyists for the kaleidoscope industry maintain their product is totally safe for drivers if they use the hands-free option.
A good analogy for bans on driving while texting would be bans on driving while drunk, which would miss all the other forms of intoxication that impair drivers, legal (e.g., Tylenol P.M.) or otherwise (e.g., PCP). The truth is, most of these laws, and many other “tough on <some danger>” laws, are just means for politicians to use to get elected. “Re-elect me, because I passed the texting ban. It’s virtually unenforceable and it didn’t save any lives, but… at least I did something while in office.”
From The Onion