Monthly Archives: April 2012

Adulthood

 

From Motivationals

Future Presidents Already Unelectable

The great thing about The Onion is the large proportion of truth in their ridiculous stories. And unless something changes, the America of the future will be lead by the anti-social, Luddites, or both.

 

 

From The Onion

‘Ye Olde’ Should Be Read As ‘The Old’

Minute Physics decided this issue is important enough to make a video about even though it has nothing to do with physics, so here is why you’re reading ‘Ye Olde Shoppe’ the wrong way: in the olden days, the sound “th” had its own letter, Þ, called thorn. This letter appears in Scandinavian languages and was probably introduced by the Vikings, during numerous invasions of England during the 9th and 10th centuries (Old Norse and Old English were similar languages, both having come from Northern Germany). During this time, words like “this” and “that” would have been written “Þis” and “Þat”, if Old English were anything like Modern English.

 

The first page of the Old English text of Beowulf, with words containing the letter thorn circled

 

Then the English were conquered for the last time, in 1066 by an entirely different sort of Vikings: Normans, who had settled in the part of northern France now known as Normandy, who spoke French and who instituted it as the language of the aristocracy in England. Over time, the ruling class did adopt English, but it became heavily influenced by French.  These French-speaking English didn’t like the letter thorn, so they started using “th” instead of “Þ”, and it obviously caught on. But for centuries after the Norman conquest, thorn was still used.

In fact, it was still in use when the printing press was invented 400 years later, but since printing presses came from continental Europe, the typed alphabets were Latin and didn’t include the letter thorn and other Norse runes. Having to make do with what they had, English writers figured that ‘y’ looked close enough to ”Þ” and started using it instead. And that’s how “Þe olde” became “ye olde”. Interestingly “ye“, pronounced like you’d think, actually meant the same thing back in those days as “y’all” does in the South now.

This taco house will not put up the French spelling of "þe"

 

All Scandinavian languages eventually followed suit with English and started using “th” instead of “Þ” — except for Icelandic, who still uses thorn and another Old English letter called eth (ð). As for English, there’s little chance of it going back to ”Þ”, especially since words like “thorn” would become ”Þorn” and probably be either read as “born” or “porn”. And just for confusion, there’s a letter called sho (Ϸ) that looks very similar to thorn, but comes from the Greek alphabet and has nothing to do with English.

From YouTube, via Neatorama

How’s Waldo?

 

From The New Yorker, via Laughing Squid

You’re Not Really Eating Kobe Beef

The world-renown Kobe beef is a delicacy that is not sold anywhere outside of Japan. Yet many American restaurants have menu items supposedly containing Kobe beef. According to NPR, they’re all lying: besides the fact that it has to come from a particular lineage of cow and has to be slaughtered in a particular region of Japan, Kobe beef is illegal to import in the United States.

 

Fake Kobe burger on the menu at Square One Burgers

 

The USDA has not approved any of the Kobe slaughterhouses to export their meat to America due to health concerns, so it cannot be legally imported either commercially or privately. The only way it can get into the country is if it were smuggled in. But since the Kobe trademark is not recognized by the US government, anyone is free to slap the Kobe name to any old beef and charge twice the price for being clever enough to do so.

But the Kobe beef you find in American restaurants is likely not entirely fraudulent: American Kobe-style beef comes from a hybrid cattle bred from the Wagyu cattle (which produces true Kobe beef), and Angus cattle, which is better suited to American climates. Besides the genetic lineage however, true Kobe beef also has a secret cattle-raising tradition which, rumors say, include being fed superior grain, beer, and even massaged with sake. The American Kobe cattle gets none of that treatment: it’s really just a genetic cousin of the Wagyu cattle that’s fatted up about a year longer than normal, and is probably organic. So it’s quality beef, but nowhere near true Kobe.

Other products are legally protected from similar counterfeiting:

  • Champagne has to come from the Champagne region in France; otherwise, it’s just sparking wine
  • Scotch has to come from Scotland, otherwise it’s just whiskey
  • Bourbon has to come from the US (preferably from Kentucky)

From NPR and ABC News

(Updated April 23rd, to include information about American Kobe-style beef.)

The Existential Thoughts Of A Cat

 

The above was part two, but unlike most sequels, it’s better than the original from 2007:

 

From YouTube, via Neatorama

Apple Stores Are By Far The Most Profitable Retail Spaces

A good measure of how profitable retail stores are is that of sales per square foot. Rather than just using sales alone, this measure evens the playing field between giants like Costco and small stores like Gap. And by that measure, Apple makes almost twice as much as the next store on the list, the jewelry store from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Tiffany & Co. The top performers on the list are all boutique chains, and the first big box store, Costco, comes in sixth, with a meager 18% of Apple’s sales per square foot. Overall however, things are completely reversed: Apple had 17% of Costco’s total sales.

 

See also:

 

From iMore, via Retail Sails

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Downton Sixbey

Jimmy Fallon made a very funny parody of Downton Abbey. It’s named after his studio, 6B.

From YouTube

HBO Updated Its Game Of Thrones Maps For Season 2

Last year, HBO created a great viewer guide for the first season of Game of Thrones; this year, they updated it for season 2, and it now contains the most complete map of Essos found anywhere. If you’re a somewhat-more-than casual viewer of the series, it’s a great way to get a feel for the geography of that world and to see the intricate family trees of the dozens of characters. If you’re a hardcore fan that reads the books, A Wiki of Ice and Fire from the westeros.org fan-site might be a better reference since it’s a lot more in-depth; but the maps on HBO’s viewer guide are still the best drawn, best designed, and most extensive currently in existence. So until the new map book comes out, enjoy poking around HBO’s guide.

See also:

 

From HBO

We’re Not Young

Amazingly hilarious parody of Fun’s We Are Young, by Yahoo!’s SketchY comedy team.

Full lyrics:

Give me a second I –

I don’t have time it’s getting late

My friends are all parents now

Dinner parties with cheeseplates

My girlfriend she is waiting for me

To buy a diamond ring

Been together eight years now

Feel like I’m settling

You know that college was ten years ago

I know you’re trying to forget

Depression and anxiety

Has come on strong since 33

Has made it hard not to crack

So if by the time I’m 40, I’m still a waiter here,

I’m killing myself…

 

Tonight!

We’re not young

We’re all somewhere in our 30s

And nothing worthy

This ain’t fun

 

Tonight,

We’re not young

I guess that I’ll learn Photoshop

Maybe I’ll sell pot

Start a blog

 

Now I know that I’m fat

Shut up about that

I guess I’ll do elliptical

Maybe I can finally do that yoga class

But I probably won’t

HDTV –

Gonna stay at home and watch Modern Family

 

Tonight,

We’re not young

Gonna get our shit together

Be less distracted

Words With Friends

 

Tonight,

We’re not young

It’s time to get my prostate checked

I’m a nervous wreck

That’s not all

 

Apply to grad school tonight

Yoga teacher training tonight

Real estate test tonight

Improv class tonight

 

We just need a word. I heard “pineapple”. PINEAPPLE! “Ugh, 4$ for a pineapple: can you believe this thing?” “You think you have it tough? Try raising this baby!”

 

Might have a drinking problem

I got a DUI

So someone come and drive me home tonight

 

I need health insurance

I got a dental sty

And I’m really gonna start that blog

 

Tonight,

We are scared

So let’s… just…. uh…

OH MY GOD!

 

Tonight,

We’re not young

We’ve accomplished almost nothing

I have no money

Where’s my gun?

 

So if by the time I’m 40

And I’m still a waiter here

Oh please God, I don’t even wanna imagine it

Tonight

 

 

And finally, the We Are Young song and lyrics:

 

From YouTube and Yahoo!, via Neatorama