YouTube user Joe Plummer, aka Gotta Kid To Feel Productions, has made two videos of professional actors doing hilarious interpretations of Yelp reviews. (Hopefully, there are many more coming.) The first video is a very well done dramatic reading of a 1 star review of Stratford Diner in New Jersey, in which the reviewer loved the food, but was upset that when she called to commend them, the manager was in a hurry:
I ordered the broiled crab cakes and they were really good and i called and asked if i could speak to the supervisor and the girl that asnswerd the phone wanted to know what it was in reference to and I told her it was regarding the food i ordered and and she said what was wrong with it and i said nothing i just wanted to let him or her know that it was good and then she was like ok hold on. When the manager got on the phone and i thanked him and let him know it was good he said thank you and you welcome but seemed like he was in a rush. I don’t think i will be eating their anymore because if the manager is not nice then what does that say about the business they are running and the people in it.
For more pointlessly awful reviews, check out Fuck You Yelper. The second video is a reading of probably the most hilarious Yelp review ever, of Tamarind of London, which is confusingly in California, not London:
Surprising in many ways!
A dinner at Tamarind of London is an unforgettable experience, not to be missed.
It’s a beautiful restaurant, the food is fantastic, and you’ll be thinking about it long after the meal is over.
We started with the Date & Almond Naan, which was sweet and delicious.
The Butter Chicken, known in some places as Makhni, was tender, moist pieces of dark meat chicken, smothered in a delicious sauce with tomatoes, honey, cardamom, and what I’m assuming was a pound of laxatives.
The Three Greens Saag was wonderful, and not loaded with butter or cream – just fresh and delicious kale, spinach and mustard greens. Hearty, bold and certainly capable of demolishing even the stiffest constipation.
White dude working the tandoors: you go, sir. The Tandoori Prawns were cooked beautifully, seasoned to perfection, and tore through me with the awesome fury of the horsemen of the apocalypse. Bravo.
The Duck Biryani, a special not on the menu, I would say, is not worth it. It’s two cups of rice and a duck thigh, and we were surprised to discover later that it cost $28. My wife thought it was going to be around $8.
My sense of remorse doubled this morning as it ripped its way out of me in a raging fiery whirlwind of poopy terror.
This meal was delectable, exotic, and incinerated everything in my intestines. My morning was an unforgettable thrill ride.
The exotic flavors and aromas of India came flooding back to me as I literally peed out of my butt.
4 stars for the truly delicious food and unimpeachable service, minus one star for expensive biryani, and for turning me into a human flamethrower.