Florida And Virginia Governments Rank Asians As Smartest, Blacks As Dumbest

Before you go on wondering if this is news from 1954, rest assured it’s from the time when a black man is running the country. Background: the No Child Left Behind Act that teachers love to hate set the audacious goal that all children should read at their grade level by 2014 — meaning that fifth graders actually read at a fifth grade level. This being a ludicrous goal, 33 states have asked for waivers so they can get their act together and maybe meet that goal a decade later.

Two of those 33 states are Florida and Virginia, and they both think they found a way to improve their overall test scores: since intelligence has been scientifically correlated to skin color, why not have separate-but-equal testing requirements for the big four races? That way, blacks, whose dark pigment blocks most of the sun’s knowledge rays from entering the brain, don’t have to suddenly become twice as smart in order to compete with the super-intelligent asians, who have an unfair advantage since their eyes are specially adapted for reading and memorizing.

photo by Sukanto Debnath

 

So, in order to make sure the four major races of man are each challenged at their particular level of intelligence, the Virginia legislature set the following passing test scores:

  • 82% for Asian students
  • 68% for whites
  • 52% for Latinos
  • 45% for blacks
  • 33% for kids with disabilities

Oh yeah, they also made sure to take into account the much tabooed fifth race: the mentally retarded. To be fair, it’s a sliding scale, because compared to the Asians, every other race is retarded. The Florida legislature, however, decided to go a slightly different racist route: they set goals for what percentage of students from each race should be reading at their grade level:

  • 90% of Asian students in reading, 92% in math
  • 88% of whites in reading, 86% in math
  • 81% of Hispanics in reading, 80% in math
  • 74% percent of blacks in reading, 74% in math
  • No goals for kids with disabilities

Florida officials, for their part, mentioned that their plan makes sense because students come from varying socioeconomic backgrounds. However, they apparently found out that splitting kids up by socioeconomic background was too difficult, and decided to rely on the only attribute that, throughout American history, has made any sense as a discriminating factor: genealogy.

Some of the finer points of the racial segregation have yet to be made public. For example, are Indians and Chinese both counted as Asians? Indians look more like blacks, but perform more like Chinese, so it’s a tough call. Also, what about the smaller races: American Indians, Eskimos, those people from places in central Asia like Uzbekistan, and the occasional Aborigine? Are they all lumped together with one of the other races, possibly Latinos?

Olivia Munn is half Chinese

And what about those who aren’t pure-bloods? No word yet on what will be done about the mixed race kids like Obama, Tiger Woods, Lou Diamond Phillips and Olivia Munn. In Virginia, perhaps the passing grade will be based on a formula of one’s racial makeup: for each race in your blood, multiply the race’s passing score by what fraction of you is of that race, add them all up, and voila. The half black, half white kid’s passing score: 56.5%. The black kid with one Asian grandmother that his grandfather met on his tour in Vietnam: 54.5%. The kid with a grandparent from each race: 61.75% — better than pure-blood Latinos, but not as good as pure-blood whites. And then there’s the set of twins, one of which is black and the other white.

They could just use a simple majority rule: if you’re half or mostly Latino, you’re Latino. Or maybe they’ll just go with the one drop rule: one drop of black blood makes you black, and the only way you can be considered Asian is by having no black, Latino or white blood to contaminate the learning ability. They should also institute mandatory genetic tests, just to make sure that the kid who says he’s Latino is not actually just a tanned Italian trying to get out of studying.

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From Northwest Public Radio and The Palm Beach Post, via Slashdot

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