Category Archives: Sports

A Very Accurate Definition Of Skiing

Skiing: the art of catching cold and going broke while rapidly heading nowhere at great personal risk

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via Cheezburger

Only 8 Countries Have Ever Won The FIFA World Cup

Since the first one in 1930, there have been 20 World Cup tournaments. (They skipped 1942 and 1946, for some reason.) And those 20 have been won by just eight countries — because five of them won it multiple times: Brazil five times, Germany and Italy four times each, and Argentina and Uruguay twice each. The one-time winners are England, France and Spain. Another way to look at it: five countries in Western Europe and three countries in South America.


Map of World Cup winners

Those eight represent just 10% of the 77 countries that have ever made it into the tournament. Any way you slice it, it’s a very exclusive club and Brazil, Germany and Italy are the big wigs.

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From Wikipedia

Tim Howard Saves

America got knocked out of the 2014 World Cup today, in the round of 16, with a 2-1 loss in overtime, just like in 2010. But one great thing came out of the loss to Belgium and that was the amazing performance by our goalie, Tim Howard.

Tim  Howard: Department of Defense

Tim Howard


The rest of the USMNT (which either means US Men’s National Team or US Mutant Ninja Turtles) wasn’t having much luck in stopping the Belgian offense, but Tim Howard set a World Cup record by stopping 16 shots on goal in one match — more than any other goalie in the recorded history of the Cup. He also had the best goalkeeping performance in any single match this Cup.

Tim Howard plans to retire when his contract is up with the English team Everton in 2017, but hopefully he’ll come back to play with the USMNT at the 2018 World Cup, in Russia. In the meantime, the tournament is now officially a very localized event: the 8 teams left are the Netherlands, Belgium, Germany and France from Western Europe, and Colombia, Argentina, Brazil and Costa Rica from South America (or close enough).


What If A Pro Football Coached Switched To Soccer?

My favorite quote:

No playoffs? Again, my job just got a lot easier. Ties and no playoffs…. why do you even do this?

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From YouTube, via Elite Daily and Michelle

Explaining Steroids To An Alien

A human is a system for converting dust billions of years ago into dust billions of years from now via a roundabout process which involves checking email a lot.

A human is a system for converting dust billions of years ago into dust billions of years from now via a roundabout process which involves checking email a lot.


The arbitrary distinction between steroids and other chemicals, like creatine and whey protein, is even more confusing when you add in the fact that there are good steroids.

From xkcd

The Dumbest FSU Fan

Apparently, she didn’t realize the mirror reverses things when she was putting the makeup on. And no one had the heart to tell her she was cheering for a backwards USF.

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From Deadspin

NFL Referees Make As Much As US Senators

Now that the NFL and their referees finally came to an agreement to end the lockout (thanks to the incompetence of the replacements on Monday), the refs are going to get a raise in 2013. Because 150k$/year isn’t enough for a part time job that consists of watching football from as close to the action as possible and then making boneheaded calls, in 2013 their salaries are going up to an average of 173k$/year. This, compared to our Senators who are busy driving the country into bankruptcy, and who make 174k$.

Official confusion in Monday's Packers v Seahawks game: one signals touchdown; the other, touchback. Stephen Brashear/AP


But lest you think that this weekend you’re gonna get yourself a referee job in some kind of quadruple win scenario, it’s probably easier to get elected to the Senate: you have to have 10 years of experience officiating football, five of which has to be at the college level or in another professional league. And it’s likely to take you at least five years of officiating high school football to get to the college level, meaning that if you get in the game now, you might just get to that easy money by 2025. Good news though: by then, refs’ salaries will be over 200k$.  You also have to be in good shape, and belong to a referee organization, but let’s face it: you’ve already got that covered.

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via NPR

Those 3-Hour Football Games Contain A Whole 11 Minutes Of Play Time

That’s what the Wall Street Journal discovered during the NFL playoffs back in January 2010, after watching four games and adding up all the time that the ball was in play — that is, after the snap and before the ball was pronounced dead by the coroners officials. Other “researchers” found similar amounts of play time, in the 12- and 13-minute range. The WSJ’s precise figure was 10:43 out of 60:00 of game time which — thanks to out of bounds balls, time-outs, commercials, penalties, reviews and injuries — gets stretched out to about 3:05:00, and means that one minute of game time takes three minutes of real time and also, that one minute of play really takes about seventeen.

You're more likely to see this than play action during a game. Photo by Sarah Korf.


So for 94% of that three hours spent in front of the TV, you’re generally watching replays, commercials, and players standing around. (Cheerleaders get three seconds per game, for some awful reason.) Of course, this is part of football’s appeal: it’s just on in the background, and every so often, you pay attention to it — unless you’re a stats junkie, wanna-be coach, or just feel like vegging out. But for most people, that other 94% of filler time is when you hang out with your friends, sip your drink, eat chicken wings, comb your long-haired dog, polish your middle school spelling bee trophy, or fill out your passport application.

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From Wall Street Journal, via Neatorama

Michael Vick Is Now Invincible

After the Eagles’ starting quarterback got his ribs bruised in the second preseason game this year, his corporate parental units decided to stop screwing around: from now on, ESPN says that Vick will wear advanced body armor under his uniform. This means that not only will the military-grade, battle-tested, Kevlar-containing composite material protect him on the field, but he also no longer has anything to fear from bullets, and could even enter a dog fight himself, knowing that dog teeth are no match for his Unequal Technologies EXO Skeleton — which, by the way, is apparently either fitted, custom-fitted, or both:

“It’s going to be custom-fitted and fitted to protect all across my sternum, across my ribs. I think it’ll be a better fit.” — Michael Vick

Unequal EXO Skeleton Barricade 5 Pad Shirt


The battle armor is described as a compression shirt that has two rib protectors, each of which weighs three ounces and stops tickle fights before they start. Also, the CEO of the athletic armor company is either brash, a betting man, or just wants every defense in the NFL to try really hard:

“I guarantee he will not get hurt,” — Rob Vito, CEO of Unequal Technologies


The Best Fail Of The 2012 Olympics

That’s Stephan Feck of Germany, with a spectacularly failed dive. And now that the olympics are over, he definitely gets whatever is the complete opposite of a gold medal.

via FAIL Blog