If you’re a pop cultural hermit, Ryan Lochte is the bro graduate of the University of Florida who won 11 gold medals in swimming. He uses the word “jeah” a lot. For some reason, the network of such quality entertainment as Keeping up with the Kardashians, E!, gave him his own reality series, called What Would Ryan Lochte Do, probably because he thinks he’s the Jesus of swimming. The series premieres this Sunday, April 21st, so he’s been giving interviews to spread the word.
One of them was with the Philadelphia Fox affiliate anchors, who start the 90 second interview by asking “Why should we care?”, end it on a bathroom water sports joke, and then follow it up with another 90 seconds of straight up laughing their asses off, wondering how E! would get 13 episodes’ worth of material from him. The best footage local news has produced since they covered the Shake Weight.
From YouTube, via The Superficial
Earlier this week, Dove released a video of a forensic artist drawing two pictures of a series of women. One picture was drawn according to how the woman described herself, and the other was drawn according to how another woman described her. It turned out that women were overly critical of themselves, and the descriptions from other women were much more flattering and realistic:
So of course, three days later, a parody with men was made. This time, the men described themselves to the forensic artist, and women also described them, for a second drawing:
It’s not on his website, but the cartoon was drawn by Bruce Beattie.
… he spits them out whole. I have no idea why this video is so funny, but it is. Maybe because it’s so absurd. Anyway it’s a compilation made by a fan of 10 of Will Sasso’s Vine videos — each of which can, by law, only be 6 seconds long. If the name doesn’t ring a bell, Will Sasso was a guy on MadTV around the turn of the century. But now you’ll remember it, because his name is an earworm. Will Sasso.
From YouTube, via Happy Place
On the heels of the latest news that Voyager 1 – the farthest man-made object in the universe — has left the solar system, xkcd decided to tally up how many times this has happened before:
The hover text reads:
So far Voyager 1 has ‘left the Solar System’ by passing through the termination shock three times, the heliopause twice, and once each through the heliosheath, heliosphere, heliodrome, auroral discontinuity, Heaviside layer, trans-Neptunian panic zone, magnetogap, US Census Bureau Solar System statistical boundary, Kuiper gauntlet, Oort void, and crystal sphere holding the fixed stars.
Note that some of those aren’t actually at the edge of the solar system, or even real things.
If you use Google Reader, then you already know that it’s going away on July 1st, and are up in arms about it. Some decent alternatives are coming out of the woodwork to fill the void, more will undoubtedly launch in late June, and there’s a petition for Google to change its mind that’s gathered over 130k signatures. But, Google is busy making two-hour commercials and cars for the blind, and they don’t care about you. So in the meantime, here’s how Hitler took the news:
If you’re wondering, the clip is from a 2004 German movie called Downfall, about Hitler’s final days in his bunker. Since 2006, it’s been a popular meme to replace the subtitles to make funny videos to show outrage about various things. One of the best ones was about the release of the first iPad, in 2010:
From YouTube, via FAIL Blog
On late night talk shows, they love to show just how much people would lie to look good on camera. Jimmy Kimmel’s version of this is called “Lie Witness News”. Since the pope quitting has been big news lately, they went out and asked the ignorant among us questions about the new pope, who doesn’t yet exist because the cardinals still have to choose one.
What’s amazing is the level of detail in some of these lies; while most people are vague and just throw out plausible guesses to questions presented as fact, one woman said the new pope was awkward, another that he was from New York, and a guy said the pope’s ex-wife is hillarious.
From YouTube, via Jimmy Kimmel
This adorable cat named McLovin, is not a fan of the bath, but she’s too cold, or something, to lift her mouth above water.
From YouTube, via Laughing Squid
New York City’s giant soda ban was supposed to go into effect tomorrow, but a judge today banned the ban, citing both the regulatory overreach of the city’s health board, and the ridiculousness of a ban that has loopholes as big as the sodas of which it tries to rid us. However, this is hardly going to be the last word on the issue — the city promised to appeal — so here are some interesting ways to still get your fix, in case the worst does happen:
A Klein Bottle is a theoretical surface that cannot exist in our three-dimensional universe.
From Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal