Tag Archives: mitt romney

Vote For Zomney

Joss Whedon, the guy who made Buffy, The Avengers movie, Firefly, and Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog, made a new video explaining why he’s voting for Romney, and — unlike most endorsements — it has to do with the coming Zombie Apocalypse.

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From YouTube, via Angry_Robot

 

Jim Lehrer Looks Like He Would Sound Craaazy

That’s what the people at Bad Lip Reading figured out, and then they made this awesome video, which proves it while lip smacking the Presidential debates:

“It’s party time, chumps!”

From YouTube, via Neatorama

Obama Would Probably Beat Romney In A Fist Fight

An Esquire/Yahoo! poll has Obama taking Romney in a fist fight by 58% to 22%, with another 20% having no opinion. The poll also asked who would win the election, and the numbers were similar: 57% for Obama, 30% for Romney, and 13% couldn’t be bothered to guess. It did not ask people if they were racist and simply thought that the black guy was always tougher than the Mormon. It also seems to have been the first time the question was formally polled, so there’s no way to tell if there’s a correlation between the winner of the fist fight and the winner of the election. However, if you think about the last 30 years:

  • Obama would’ve beat McCain bloody
  • W would’ve easily taken Kerry
  • W vs Gore is a hard one, because Gore is a softie, but he’s also a big guy who might have a temper
  • Clinton would’ve easily beat up old, one-armed Bob Dole
  • Clinton would’ve had trouble with the original Bush though, who had a sort of spit-and-nails quality about him.
  • The original Bush would’ve been all over Dukakis
  • Reagan would’ve probably lost to Mondale though, but of the two, Mondale would’ve probably been the one driven to tears — by Reagan’s wit
  • Reagan vs Carter is hard to call, because it’s hard to imagine either of them actually getting into a fight, but Carter had a big age advantage
  • Same with Carter vs Ford: they would most likely just work it out without ever resorting to fists. But if they absolutely had to fight, Carter probably had a little more ganas.
  • And of course, Nixon would take pretty much anyone except Andrew Jackson and Teddy Roosevelt.

For more in the same vein, there’s a Reddit thread about a mass knife fight to the death between every president. And if you want to try your hand at presidential combat, there’s an iOS app for that, called Vote!!!.

 

From Esquire, via Politico and Tom

Romney More Powerful Wizard Than Obama

A major showdown between two of the greatest mages of our time has ended in Mitt Romney’s favor. Hurricane Isaac, designed by president Obama to devastate the Republican National Convention in Tampa and seriously call into question Mitt Romney’s abilities, has failed. Instead, it has been diverted by the Republican nominee to the Democratic stronghold of New Orleans, a city revered by the left wing after the events surrounding Hurricane Katrina in 2005 and the 2010 premiere of the hit HBO show Treme.

 

Early in the bout, most meteorologists predicted Obama’s unexpected move would succeed, as the nascent tropical storm making its way toward Tampa was poised to become the first hurricane to hit the city in almost a century. But in the end, Romney and his Republican party proved themselves a force to be reckoned with, as the storm not only failed to make its way to the convention, but also to achieve hurricane strength by the appointed time, instead arriving in New Orleans on the seventh anniversary of Katrina. The miscalculation of Romney’s obviously significant power was a costly one for the sitting President, and a retaliatory move on Obama’s home base of Hawaii cannot be counted out at this time.

Mr. Romney Sounds A Lot Like Mr. Burns

 

From MAD Magazine, via Neatorama

Mittens Romney Is A Robot

Most people have no idea what Romney’s first name is, but 2% of them think it’s Mittens. His full name is really Willard Mitt Romney. ‘Willard’ is obviously worse than ‘Mitt,’ but he could’ve gone with ‘Will’, or ‘Bill’. In any case, his name is just strange — much like him. So much is he strange, in fact, that The Atlantic has an article which implies he is a very lifelike, yet ultimately unconvincing, robot. They focus on the phenomenon of the Uncanny Valley, which states that as non-human things get closer to looking human, we tend to like them more — until they get too close, and then they’re creepy. Computer-generated characters, dead people, and androids are all examples of things that fall in the Uncanny Valley. And apparently, Romney is one of those things.

Calculating the maximum pressure to safely apply to one's wife's lips is not always easy

 

If you think about it, he very well could be a robot engineered to lead us. He came here from the land of Mormon, made a lot of money to fund his political career, got experience in politics as the governor of Massachusetts, and now his ducks are all lined up for the presidency. But, like John Kerry before him, he has trouble relating to humans. He’s great in political situations like debates and interviews, because that’s what he was designed to do. But even then, his weirdness comes through; and when put in real situations, it becomes clear his programming needs a little polishing.

From CBS News and The Atlantic, via Slashdot