Probably after noticing that many, many ridiculous newspaper headlines use the term “Florida Man”, someone imagined that the journalists were referring to a terrible superhero, along the lines of Superman, Batman and Spiderman, but whose super power is “getting in trouble with the law”. So, they made a Twitter account and started posting these headlines, making it possible for everyone to follow Florida Man’s misadventures. Thus far, he’s been deemed too fat for jail, repeatedly called 911 to request that they send a female officer to have sex with him, then barely a month later got arrested for a DUI, only to blame it on a squirrel.
Florida Man
But that was in 2012; this year, we find out that Florida Man is actually bisexual and has a boyfriend whom he hit with a plate after getting annoyed with the amount of Alanis Morissette music the boyfriend was playing. His home situation gone awry, Florida Man moved in with his mom in Seattle a week later, but it didn’t last long: two days after that, he got high on bath salts and, after police showed up, he scratched their car with his teeth and caused 600$ worth of damage.
The only disappointing thing is many of the headlines that @_FloridaMan tweets don’t actually contain the words “Florida Man” in the title — though all of the ones above do.
See also:
From Twitter, via Neatorama
